Bald v. Wig
By: KK
Copyright @2002

After my first near death experience with chemo-therapy, my security immediately started to fall out in handful's. I'm like the average female and have a love/hate relationship with my hair. I never dreamed that I would have a love/hate relationship with my scalp. The doctor's told me that it would take 2-4 cycles of chemo before I experienced any hair loss. But I found sufficient evidence to prove that if you overdose the patient the first time then it's a pretty safe bet that the patient will be bald by morning.

Like the average woman, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I cried. Five seconds later I realized that I was going to lose my hair and then I began to bawl. The doctor's tried to console me and reassure me that my hair would grow back and that I could wear a wig. I didn't feel that either of those were options for me. I didn't have any desire to look like Kojak or Dolly Parton. I figured that they had already cornered the market on those looks. The only part of this whole "losing your hair" thing that I was looking forward to was from the neck down...no shaving!

When I realized that the clumps of hair on my pillow did not belong to any of my dogs or cats, I panicked. I would stand in front of the mirror and easily pull wads of hair out. I had to make a decision, because I could not live with this on a daily basis. I decided to shave it. I went to the bathroom, handed the dog shears to my kids and said, "Now's your chance for payback for anything I've done to you so far. Shave it." At first my children were mortified and questioned me as to where I had left my sanity. Then they fought over which side of my head they were going to shave. I should have known that a 7 and 8 year old would start fighting over my head. I grabbed the shears and took it all off. I thought that my kids were scarred for life from witnessing their mother expose her head...until I half-ass asked both of them if either one of them would shave their heads in support of me. My son blankly stared at me as he consciously drifted off to another planet and my daughter promptly said, "Uh, no Mom. But don't worry, your hair will grow back." It's always comforting to have that support from your kids.

At first I felt free and then I felt cold. I never realized how warm your hair keeps your scalp. I touched it, felt it, checked it for scars, insects, re-growth and came to the conclusion that next to death, I didn't look all that bad. My friends insisted that I had a really pretty head and I proceeded to cover it up with a hat and bandana.

My friends and I were off to the wig store. Land of the fake hair. I wanted something as close to my own hair as possible. But I quickly realized that that was easier said than done. Cher would have been in heaven. I on the other hand was surrounded by elderly people and transvestites. There were curly wigs, black wigs, short wigs and of course the only wig that I found remotely close to the hair that I had lost was a Pamela Anderson wig. I started crying again. Having fake boobs is one thing...I wanted those. But fake hair?? I was not looking to making a fashion statement with my hair blowing down the street. My friends insisted that this was the one for me...they'll get their payback. It's beautiful, long, straight, strawberry blonde and it even has a "real" looking scalp. For $500 I now owned another pet. I even received a free terry cloth turban for my scalp, in case my head got cold or I needed a cover up to run to the store. That turned out to be a really good dust cloth.

My vanity has been slaughtered. I hate the wig, I hate the baldness, I hate the hat and bandana and I'm just hating life period. I wear the wig if I go out at night and it's a hit with the men. Of course they wouldn't know the difference between the wig or a my wearing an antelope...they at least don't disappoint me...they are still focused on the boobs. The hair is just a bonus. During the day, I wear the hat and bandana. Odd looks from, is she in a gang, is she bald, what the hell was she thinking, what drugs is she on, are all thrown my way. I've learned to blow those off. Because honestly, if I didn't have to go through this I would have never known what cancer patient looks like either.

My hair is slowly growing back on my head. Except for the rest of my body where it has grown back faster than fungus. Anything that needs to be waxed or shaved has come back with a vengeance and scares even the biggest weed whackers. I inspect my head every 5 minutes or so. I know that hair only grows back about 1/2" a month. So I figure that it should be spike like by the end of the year. This is going to be a very long process and I'm considering hanging upside down for a few months. It can't hurt and it probably won't help....but at least it will keep me occupied. I know that I should just be happy to be alive...but I would be much happier with hair to bitch about every day.