Banning Cell Phone's While Driving
by: KK
Copyright @2001

The hottest topic is banning cell phones while driving. Quite ridiculous if you think about it. Our political idiots think that cell phones are a major cause of car accidents and so talking on them while driving should be illegal.
Since we will soon lose the distraction of having cell phones in our cars, let me offer you other things to keep you from being bored while driving.

If you have disruptive children, feel free to yell or backhand them. This works well on highways, going about 70 mph. Swerving into other lanes while doing so, entertains the drivers behind you. Oh, what the hell, just ban the children from the vehicle period. Who needs the distraction of the little brats anyway?

Spend the majority of your time on the road searching for the perfect radio station. You'll never find one, so this should keep you busy for the majority of your drive. Make sure that you are driving at least 30 miles under the speed limit, forcing people to speed up and pass you by. You'll get flipped off quite a bit, but just smile and wave like the fool that you are.

Make sure that your visor mirror is oversized and lighted. It must also obstruct your view of the road. This mirror will provide a great reflection when trying to apply make-up, pop a zit, pick your nose or shave.
Drive with your hairy little mutt in your lap. Let him hang out the driver's window and drool down the side of your vehicle. The hound loves the wind it's face and you so enjoy having Fi-Fi in your lap. In fact, let Fi-Fi take over the steering wheel once in a while. It will make your dogs day.

Whenever you see an emergency vehicle with flashing lights, especially police cars, slow down, real slow and stare. Watching people get tickets is an exciting event. If you happen to come across an accident, be sure to keep your foot on the brake and ever so slowly cruise by and look for body parts. This should back up traffic for a couple of miles and if you are lucky will cause more accidents. Bravo to you!

If you are over 70 years old, be sure to get a really large car. Boat size. It has to be one that you can't see over the dashboard. Make sure that your feet don't reach the gas pedal, you don't want to be able to accelerate over 12 mph. Just let the car coast at it's own pace.

Drop things and don't pull over to find them. Keep driving at your current rate of 80 mph. It's great fun to drive with your head below the steering wheel trying to feel for that lost quarter.

Smoke. Lighting cigarettes and filling the car with a white cloud will impair your vision sufficiently to run over small children exiting their school bus.

Talking on a cell phone is no more of a distraction than the things that I have listed above and none of those are illegal. These things happen on a daily basis in every damn city, state and country. These distractions kill people every single day. But the dazed and confused that run our country have decided that talking on a phone is one of the number one reasons people are killed on the road.

I didn't even mention alcohol and drugs, because those are illegal and people still do them everyday and get behind the wheel of a car.

Boy, those laws really stick, don't they?

Readers Respond

02.17.03

Caustic but entertaining. You're off base on cell phone use while
driving. The evidence is mounting against you. People are dying for a
convenience which I hope you agree, isn't worth losing a single life for.

10.04.01

Pist: KK, Why don't you Leave Mr. Bush alone? You are A
B-I-T-C-H if you had remotly as many responsabilities as this man you
would certainly die of a heart attack. So fuck off. And go to Hell

K-Says...But considering this idiot took the time to look up my name and
add a second name to my title, it gets an "A" for effort. Pist wasted its
only ounce of intelligence on locating and spelling my name correctly but
not running the spell check on its opinion. Good thing IT is not running
the country...or is it??



Dear Pist....
After reading your opinion, only one thing comes to mind. Stupidity! If
you have to call people a bitch and tell them to fuck off because of their
opinion, that makes you the idiot. Last time I checked (even in the
revised bill of rights from this site) I still had the right to my
opinion, as well as the right to stand on the roof tops and share it with
the world, and although I must allow you to have your small minded, self
serving thoughts, it is obvious to me that you come from a Communist
country!
The only person that will have a heart attack is you from the stress you
have built up from trying too hard to insult others, I know it is hard
work to come up with all of those obscenities, especially with a lack of
intelligence...don't hurt yourself!

08.06.02

Just wanted you to know that as of today I have had 2 cars completely
totaled by people using cell phones while driving. I am very lucky to
have lived through today's accident. After the first accident I was
extremely upset and have had a very hard time riding in cars. After the
accident today, and after seeing how badly my car was damaged and after
spending hours in the emergency room, I am not just a little upset. I plan
on using the life that could have been expended today to see that cell
phones be banned. I'm thankful my children weren't in the car and that
their mother is alive to finish raising them. I agree with you that
everyone needs to pay all of their attention to driving to be responsible
drivers.
Sincerely,
Diana