Cancer Part 2
By: KK
Copyright @2002

I'm freshly back from my adventure in Los Angeles and I am armed with new information from UCLA. It took me a few trips around L.A. to actually find UCLA because whoever designed the layout for the city was on crack at the time. But I finally found the hospital and a parking space, all in the same day.

The hospital is massive and it forced me into quite a cardio workout trying to find the doctor's office. The staff was outstanding, comforting and mortified by my story about the buffoons that were trying to kill me in Las Vegas. They assured me that I was now in the best hands ever created...next to God of course, who hasn't created shit in a very long time.

The doctor is well known and well respected across the nation for his studies in Non-Hodgkin's. Because of my most recent near death experiences, I'm a little edgy and not willing to trust anyone at this point. He's easy going, friendly and incredibly educated. I feel somewhat more comforted except that he cannot make a complete diagnosis because my original biopsy never made it to UCLA. It was still floating around the bowels of Vegas somewhere...wow, big surprise...Vegas had it's head up it's ass again. All of my medical records, films and slides made it to UCLA except the most important one...THE CANCEROUS ONE!

He went over what he did have and declared that he was not the least bit impressed with my doctor's record keeping techniques and he was surprised that I was still alive. He also told me that he thought that I was over-diagnosed, over-treated and the best decision that I made was to stop my treatment at the intersection of life or death. I was being treated for an aggressive type of Non-Hodgkin's and he pre-diagnosed me with a less aggressive type of Non-Hodgkin's.

At first I thought that this was good news, but of course this is me that we are talking about and as it turns out the less aggressive cancer is the second worse kind of Non-Hodgkin's that I could have. What he saw on my films was a small cancerous tumor and the fact that I had zero symptoms for over two years brought him to this new pre-diagnosis. My options are this: 1. Live with it and monitor it for the rest of my life (which I would have to do with any type of Non-Hodgkin's) or 2. Try a new cell-vaccine, mixed with chemo that would only kill the tumor and my chances of remission are much less than if I were to have an aggressive cancer. Apparently they know how to go in and kill an aggressive cancer...try to kill the patient like the buffoons in Vegas do. Less aggressive cancers are harder to treat.

Of course my first choice is to live with it. I've already done that and it was working out pretty damn good when I didn't even know that I had it. The minute I was diagnosed and whisked through the system, I now have more problems and pain than any creature should suffer. A month after my last chemo treatment I am still in excruciating pain, that not even this new doctor can explain. My groin, back and urethra scream constantly and those body parts were quite happy before I was pumped full of Raid, rat poison and household cleaners....otherwise known as chemo-therapy.

I'm back in Vegas and my new doctor gave me an assignment. I need to have my original biopsy slides sent to him, so that he can evaluate them properly and confirm what he thinks is wrong with me. Easier said than done. I spent all day Monday on the phone with the doctor's office that did my biopsy and the girl in charge of medical records couldn't even figure out what slides were and of course didn't have a clue where to find them. My lack of patience for the general public is brewing heavily. She stated that she would be happy to send my medical records to UCLA and then proceeded to ask me where my slides were. She did this at least 33 times and she didn't quite understand that you don't go in for surgery and walk out with your lymph-node in a baggie. I defined the word 'Laboratory' for her and I wasn't too surprised that she didn't know what that was either. I really tried to be patient with her until she announced that my doctor didn't work there anymore. I took a deep breath and asked her what the hell does that have to do with me and my missing lymph-node!?! I defined "Laboratory" again. I think she started to cry and I hung up.

I called UCLA and when the secretary finished laughing at my game of "Who's on first..." with the girl from medical records, she took over and promptly requested my slides from the "Laboratory". Amazing, a second person on the planet that actually knows what a lab is and that slides are stored there. I'm feeling ever more confident about UCLA. Now, the wait is on. I should find out next week what is going to happen next.

Stay tuned for more adventures with cancer.

Readers Respond

07.31.02

Hi K,,,,,,my names Jeff and i'm from Australia.I was surfin on the net and
came across your site.I have to say,it rocks.With all the stupid sites
around it was good to see a real person with a real site that tells it as
it is.As yet i haven't read everything there but i'm working on it,lol.So
far it's been goodstuff.Looking forward to reading more.Sorry to hear
you've been crook,hope it all comes good for you.All the best,be
well,,,,,Jeff

07.30.02

Hi K,
I was just reading your latest and thought I'd try to check in with
you and see if you'd gotten any info from L.A.? Keep us informed and
updated as soon as you hear. Some of us out here in cyberland honestly
care about you and your health.
Keep your chin up and it will all get much better soon for you.
Shelly in Alabama

07.28.02

Hello,
I had a very bad weekend, (a very long one too) I isolated myself which
some say makes things kind of worse,
Anyway, like a lot of your viewers, I found your site by chance and have
been here most of the day. I wanted just to say thanks, the way you write
makes me feel like we are old friends. I look forward to more adventures
with you.
Please be well,
Bobby J.

07.21.02

I don't know how I got to your site, but I spent the day reading all of
your articles. Great site and hilarious. You are a very good writer and
ought to consider the profession. I hope you get over your bout with
cancer. My wife's girlfriend has the same type. She discovered it last
January like you did. She has gone through a lot of chemo. Hope things
worked out between you and Tinker Bell.

07.12.02

K...
Firstly, I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your battle with cancer. I
admire you ability to share your experience in what appears to be a very
clear-headed manner. (if you're not clear-headed, then you've got me
fooled) I'll keep you in my thoughts and will be looking forward to your
recovery!! Today is the first day I ever seen your site and I wish I
wasn't at work or else I'd read every article right now. So far I've read
"breast feeding" and "bikini wax" and I'm trying not to get busted for
giggling uncontrollably at my desk. I love a fellow smartass!! I can't
wait to read the rest of your articles...and please make sure you survive
cancer. I'll be pissed if you let it get you and you can't write anymore!
Warmest Regards...
Kelli

PS...If you're ever bored and want to read another good site, go to
http://web.archive.org/web/20030409201159/ http://www.lionessden.com/ . My
sister is a writer and she has a style very similar
to yours, but not quite as edgy. It's good for a few laughs. Her reviews
are especially funny!

07.11.02

Hi K,
I just want you to know that I pulling for you. I wish you all the
best and if you can't keep us all updated, get someone to post to all of
us here on your site and atleast let us know how your doing. I love your
writing and your sense of humor. I just hope that you'll still have your
humor after all this is over with! lol If nothing else, I'm sure you'll
have even more funny stories for us once you get back!
Shelly in Alabama