Convict in the Family

By: KK

Copyright @2001

(names will not be used in this chapter)

My sister is a physically, striking beauty. She is outrageously intelligent, but sometimes lacks in the judgment department. She is 30 years old and when she was about 27 she started dating a 19 year old kid. They dated for about a year.

She had a great job as a chef and he had a decent job as a valet parker. (In Las Vegas, valet's make great money). He was sweet enough and was always polite and kind to our family. He was constantly looking for new ways to make money. He really wanted to be an entrepreneur. No one really agreed with the age difference, but we all knew that my sister wears the "rose colored" glasses in the family, he had never treated her badly and she loved him. Her only complaint was that she felt like more of a mother figure to him than a partner. All of a sudden, within a months period they had both quit their jobs and started buying new expensive things. Everyone thought that was odd.

One morning, while sitting in a bookstore with one of my girlfriends, I receive a frantic cell phone call from my sister. She is crying hysterically and I cannot understand a word she is saying. My girlfriend and I rush over to pick her up.

When we arrive the first words out of my sister's mouth are, "He's in jail!"My husband and I are both in the legal profession and deal with this comment from complete strangers everyday. It was a little different coming from my sister's mouth, because it involved our family and I was concerned for her safety. I did remain calm for about the first twenty-four hours. That's about how long it took us to bring her speech back to an audible, intelligible level. She was terrified and inconsolable.

He and a friend had been arrested for walking into a convenience store, with face masks, loaded guns and proceeded to steal the ATM machine and the video from the surveillance camera. It did not occur to these idiots that there was a homing device in the machine and they were caught, in my sisters truck, a few minutes later. To this day I have a hard time picturing someone walking out of a building with an ATM machine under one arm. After his arrest, it was somehow found out that he and his partner had also been involved in an armed bank robbery. He was now looking at a state crime and a federal crime. To this day, even as he sits in prison, the money from the bank has not been recovered.

From then on all hell broke loose. For more than a week, my sister refused to go back to her apartment because the FBI was looking to question her. Her place had already been searched and books on how to burglarize places and a couple guns had been found. Her truck was impounded and she did not have a job. We pressured her to talk to the FBI and police and to not cover his ass. My husband put his job on the line and sat with her, as her brother-in-law (not legal counsel), during questioning. She claimed to know nothing. She thought the crime instruction books were just a "hobby" and that the guns were for protection. She claims to have not known anything about either of the crimes. The FBI, as well as my husband did not believe her, but they did not have evidence against her to charge her with anything. We have always felt that she was not involved in the crimes and probably wasn't aware that they were going to be committed. But, feel that she had heard him discuss the possibility of committing some type of crime. My sister is not a criminal and would not condone or be a part of anything illegal.

It was a legal conflict for us to be involved with her or him, but we still let her stay at our house, with the stipulation that she NOT have any contact with him. It was crucial to my husbands career and reputation that she stay away from him. We made this incredibly clear to her on several occasions, but she refused to believe that any of this would cause problems with our business. It seemed that she was getting her life back on track. We got her truck out of impound and she got her job back. But, within weeks my husband saw her name on the visitors list at the local jail. He called me and told me that she had better be out of the house by the time he came home.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was throw my own sister out of our home. We would not and could not support her decision to stay with a person who had committed life threatening crimes. He carried loaded weapons into two different buildings, had people on the floor and could have killed someone. It was not safe for our family, nor was it safe for her. We had the biggest argument we had ever had. She claimed she loved him and that she was going to support him all the way. I told her that the decision she was making was not only affecting her, but us as well. She refused to see it that way and she was forced to leave. I cried for days.

He was allowed out on house arrest and given a job until his sentencing. He was eventually sentenced to serve four years, for each crime, concurrently. Shortly before his sentencing they were married. We did not attend the wedding. My sister was told that her decision to marry him had now forced us to have a federal convict in our family and that neither she or he would be allowed in our home and especially around our children. Ever. This devastated her, because she adores our children. But she had made the decision that this man was more important to her than her family and she had to live with the consequences.

He sufficiently brainwashed my sister into emotionally and financially supporting him, convincing her to become a full-time practicing Baptist. Both
of them were about as religious as my dog before he committed these crimes. He convinced her that God was the answer and that He would take care of the marriage and everything else while he was in prison. He is serving his time in California and she visits him about every month and a half.

Once he had left for prison, my husband and I discussed that the damage had already been done. The guy was in prison, in another state and should we reconsider letting my sister be a part of our family until he is released? She posed no threat and her only crime was making a bad decision that we could not reverse. We allowed her back and made it clear that he was not to be discussed around us and especially our children. I know my temper and that I speak my mind. The subject was touchy with me and I knew that if I had to hear about the details of their relationship then I would do nothing but fight with her. The only way for me to avoid fights would be to ban the discussions period. He would never be considered their "Uncle" and he would never be a part of our family. Upon his release, if she was still married to or involved with him then she would no longer be a part of our family either.

After doing a lot of research on this person, it became vividly clear that he is a con-artist. He is successfully using her and her money, from prison, for his entrepreneur projects and has convinced her that "they" will be rich when he gets out. He is controlling her from another state and had her going to church 3-4 times a week, running his errands and catering to his every need. Although I am not remotely religious and do not believe in an organized religion, I do believe that people have the absolute right to practice as they please. None of my sister's friends and family were upset that she had "discovered" God. It was the way and the time that she fell into this. Through him and when he was arrested.

After about a year in prison he decided that he would send a letter to my husband and I. I was not surprised to receive a letter from him. I was more surprised by the content of the letter. He did not send it to us directly. He sent it to my sister first. Trying to avoid a scene, she took me to a public place to give me the letter. I did not read it there. She had on several occasions tried to sway our opinion and still holds out hope that we will all "forgive" him and accept him into our lives. She made her plea again that night. I stood my ground and said that our conditions were the same and they would remain that way. The minute I got into my truck, I read the following, self-serving, piece of shit letter...READ.

We believe the letter was written because my sister felt that if he made the effort to contact us, then we may change our minds. He has the audacity to tell us that he forgives us for not supporting her during a situation that he created. Our support for her went above and beyond the call of duty. We did respond to him....READ. We also responded to her....READ.

To this day we have a limited relationship with my sister. We do not discuss him at all. We still stand firm that we are making the right decision for our family. She has started to return somewhat back to her old self. She is not attending church all the time and does not cling on everything he says anymore. She has started to go out more with friends from work and enjoy her life without him. She has still changed quite a bit, but we are confident that this relationship will not last. He is in a federal prison so they are not allowed conjugal visits and we are grateful that she does not have the opportunity to get pregnant.

We have all made mistakes. We are hopeful that one day she will realize that he is weighing her down and limiting her choices in life and her future.
 

Readers Respond

01.29.03

I found it quite interesting that you drone on about the mental
instability of the convict in your sisters life justifying your statements
by the fact that he is somehow different from you because he has shown
that he is capable of violence; the implication of course is that you are
not capable of such things. Yet at the same time you hint that you have
at least entertained thoughts about killing your ex-husband.
Nevertheless, I do smell a touch of hypocrisy in your statements. I would
assert that the only difference between the convict and you is that you
restrain yourself from committing acts of violence because you value the
approval of others (in the legal community et.al.) more than he does. You
are smart enough to know that you would probably get caught. He wasn't.
Please realize that I am not judging you for not wanting to associate with
the convict. You have a life that you are happy with and you feel no
compunction to help someone else at the risk of loosing all that you have
gained. Selfishness is nothing to be ashamed of. The very act of eating
to
live implies selfishness, since we must kill other living things in order
to eat. Their loss is our gain. This is the natural order of things.
Yes, plants are living things too. But, if you feel compelled to apply the
IQ differential test to determine what is and is not ok to eat, then I
must counter that one could reasonably make the argument that a genius
like the mythical Hannibal Lecter has every right to eat stupid people.
After all the difference between Lecter's IQ and the average Jerry
Springer fan is probably greater than the difference between the Jerry
Springer fans IQ and that of a herd animal. We don't accuse Jerry
Springer fans of cannibalism when they visit McDonalds do we?
Let's face it, each of us devours all that we can until we are full
(whenever we can get away with it that is). Furthermore, we are devoured
by those things who can get away with devouring us (take Enron, the IRS,
orBill Gates for example). Altruistic reciprocity is merely a survival
strategy, not some fundamental truth or compelling higher purpose. We are
all barbarians by nature except that the smarter ones among us have
learned
that trickery and hypocrisy are excellent survival strategies as well.
As lawyers you employ trickery and hypocrisy as an integral part of what
you do. It is essential to success in your profession. You just aren't
allowed
to perform stupid tricks or engage in petty hypocrisies that are easily
seen for what they are. That is the key thing that separates you from the
convict. He, was too obvious in his trickery, he was unskilled at
hypocrisy, and he set his sights too high too early. Therefore, by
applying
the IQ differential test, you have earned every right to devour him, as he
has in turn earned the right to devour your stupid sister.
So to you I say, BRAVO! I can see that you are proud of the dark flame
that burns at the core of your being. You are truly a shadow to the sheep
who follow you; and believe me, you will attract a following. Keep up the
good work. Your site truly rocks.