Ebonics
by: KK

                                                                                                                               Copyright @2001





You be ignant' if you all up in my binez, ya know what I'm sayin'?

A'ight shit, I don't even know what the hell I just said and I don't have the patience to decipher a
conversation with someone.

Slang has now replaced the official English language of America. California has jumped at the chance to lower the educational standards and incorporate the "Black English" into their school systems. Slang used to be words like "cool" and "groovy". Now we have resorted to obliterating the alphabet and catering to the lazy and uneducated.

At the risk of sounding prejudice, it cannot be argued that many Blacks, Hispanics and Whiggers (white folk trying to be black) are the leaders in this new form of worthless jibberish. The entertaining part of listening to this crap is trying to decipher what the hell they just tried to say. Their intelligence level is somewhere below the average gnat and they actually believe that they just completed a sentence.

Here's an assignment for you. Everyday try to incorporate a new Ebonics word or phrase into your daily life. It takes a little more effort than learning your ABC's, but you should get the hang of it after awhile. Your dog may look at you a little confused but if you continue he should be responding with "woo" instead of "woof' by the end of the week. He'll catch on.

Some words and phrases to confuse the average educated person:

"She be" and "He be" could be a gay thing...I haven't figured this one out yet.
"All ya all" I'm fairly certain that the word "all" does not have to be repeated by the third word. We get the picture.
"Dis and Dat" The "th" sound is one of the harder consonant blends in the English language. "A'ight" Webster's states that there are two consonants missing from this word.
"Keepin' it real" Keeping what real??
"Fatha, Motha, Masta" Eliminating the letter "r" shortens the alphabet... less to learn.
"Phat" Phonetically speaking why not throw in "phun, phist, phuck, phlip, phast, phinger..." the list is endless.
"Ignant" One of my very favorites... it defines itself and the person saying it.
"Yo and Ya" Two different ways to say "you". The more variations, the better.
"I, ya, yo, we, he, she and it all "go" Where the hell are we going?
"We jus chillin' or He's illin'" Then put a fucking coat on and see a doctor.
"Edumacation" Please get one!
"All up in my binez" I don't do "binez" with someone who can't spell the damn word.
"Bioch" This could be French...but I'm thinking that Ebonies hasn't invaded that country yet.
"Waz Up?" It's frightening to know that someone made millions off this phrase.
"You be trippin '" I'm due for a vacation.
"Busta Move and Dat's da bomb" Felonies in most states.
"Nigga" This is supposed to be "nigger" and white people are not allowed to use this word.
"Ho" A highly respectable term for women.
"Ya know what I'm sayin'" No I don't. That's what this article is about.

This list could go on and on and it only gets worse. Ebonics would be frightening if it weren't so damn funny. It just one more way to entertain society and realize what idiots we share the planet with.

So the next time you see a skank thang holin up in yo' neighbors crib, don't ax any questions...cruise over and start kickin it up with the brotha's.

Dat be da end of this wacked tale.

Welcome to America. The land of the dazed and confused.

Readers Respond

02.18.03

Fucking funny. Especially the stuff that comes from the linguists.
Kent

04.15.02

It is truly unfortunate that people as ignorant and uneducated as yourself
have the ability to publish racist propaganda on the internet and pass it
off as an educated opinion. I am white and middle class. I grew up
outside of Detroit and, unfortunately, until I became educated I generally
shared your opinion of "ebonics" as lazy, uneducated slang.
What you don't understand, however, is the deep structure and systematic
difference of speech patterns whose roots trace back to African languages.
I won't bother wasting my breath trying too hard to explain it to you,

 though, because frankly I don't think you really give a damn. It's just
easier for you to be a self-righteous prig.
If you are interested in finding out how ridiculous your ignorant opinion
sounds to people who have any kind of knowledge of linguistic science and
languages at all, you can check out the web pages of John Rickford, the
Center of Applied Linguistics, and any other number of sites that are
listed when Ebonics is typed into any search engine.
It's sad that your article is dated 2001. If you had written it in 1997,
directly after the Oakland resolution, I might understand your
misinformation. Since you never bothered to research it yourself, the
resolution's purpose was to take the linguistic knowledge students already
have (of Ebonics or Black English) and use it to help them master the
standard English dialect. It's the same principle used to teach ESL
students, but you probably think they're stupid too.
Next time you want to publish your opinion on a topic, why don't you do
some real research first.

Suzanne Kail
University of Akron-Masters of English Composition

K-Says- It's a shame that your degree isn't in Ebonics Composition because
then I might be more inclined to take you seriously. I might have
considered you even half way literate if you would have composed your
"educated" letter without attacking me with "ignorant, uneducated, racist
and even self-righteous prig". Since you have taken up housing in a
tunnel, you failed to read anything else on this site that blatantly
states that it's sole purpose is to provide "humor and opinions", both of
which I have the right to have. It must be overwhelming and exhausting to
be such a fucking genius...I would hate to have the pressure of being in
your shoes...I prefer reality.
I don't need to educate myself any further to know that I am nauseated by
the fact that the United States is the only country in the world that
accommodates and changes for the laziness of others that want to live off
of the benefits, wealth and freedom of this country. I don't need to be a
linguist expert to know that this country's official language is English.
Not Spanish, Italian, German and especially Ebonics...which last time I
checked doesn't even have it's own alphabet...which as a linguist expert
you should know that every legitimate language has.
You labeled it Black English and called me a racist...if you re-read my
article you'll clearly notice that I listed at least three different races
that use this ridiculous form of speech. At the risk of sounding racist
yourself...I would ask my college to re-phrase the "Black English" phrase.
I would also ask educators to try and use the phonics system to master
the English dialect instead of Ebonics or Black English.


08.16.02

Dear Ms. Kail

I am appalled at your tone you take regarding this issue. For someone who
is as educated as yourself, one thing you did not learn is grace. To call
someone "ignorant" regarding a difference of opinion is rather disturbing.
I would have called YOU uneducated, but you felt the need to flaunt your
Masters Degree, so I will use the terms "classless" and "narrow minded"
instead I am sure you will wear the crown with honor.
As for your view on Ebonics, you have so much to learn. Your view on
linguistics, which you took off an Internet search engine, leaves a lot to
be desired. I assume you are a fan of using "Black English" as you
referred to it, and personally, for you to make a distinction between
Black and White English makes you rude and prejudice. For your
information, there are plenty of African-Americans in the United States
who have the ability to speak proper English. Colin Powell, Condaleeza
Rice, as well as other notables would certainly not support your view, nor
have a problem with their ability to command the English language.
In addition, your view is obviously from someone who has not left the USA.
If you were in London, there are plenty of Blacks who speak beautiful
English as well as other parts of Europe who do not need to fall back on
lazy, slang because they cannot be bothered to get a descent education.
Ebonics is not a language; it is slang as is cockney. Anyone who chooses
to use it lowers his or her class level. I find it fascinating that
Ebonics should be assimilated into our language, yet others do not need to
use it. In Africa, I do not see it used as a national language. For
instance, in Nigeria, there are 11 national languages excluding
English as one of them Ebonics. In South Africa, there are 10 national
languages, none of them Ebonics. Kenya - Swahili, not Ebonics. All of
these countries also teach English in the major populated areas, not
Ebonics. In all my travels, I have never heard anyone incorporate
Ebonics, nor have they had an issue with learning the language because of
it. I will also add that there are numerous spoken living languages and
additional extinct languages. Why are Americans so lazy? Because we buy
into the continued deterioration of our fiber and continue to entertain
the lowest common denominator, it is easier. We have allowed complacency
to rule us and to challenge the students to reach a high standard has
become unimportant. As long as a strong healthy African-American can be
educated, they can be educated the right way. Equal rights activists claim
we are all the same? Ebonics directly attacks those arguments. Are you
saying that if you are black you cannot speak? Are you saying that if you
are black, you are not capable of achieving what others can? Well, that is
what it sounds like.
Lastly, as for ESL students, I do not see their class labeled "Ebonics 101
For Foreigners", I am disappointed in how you defend an argument by
slanderous behavior, with that attitude, you are not welcome in the
intellectual community. I hope you make a great waitress, or will you
tell off someone for not liking eggs? You are narcissistic if you cannot
handle others disagreeing with you, seek therapy!


09.16.02

Now now, let's not be so hard on Ms. Kail. I vote YES, let's cater to
these poor lost souls!! But let's not stop with the ebonics-speaking
community. There are scores of children in the mountains of
Tennessee...along the riverbanks of the Mississippi...I'm talking about
the forgotten ones. I'm talking about the DEEP SOUTH! Here's just one
example of their unique and beautiful dialect: "We'uns wuz fixin ta rustle
up some vittles fer supper, but I looked in the pantry and reckoned we
ain't got nuthin' ta eat!" Why, I'd be proud to live in a world that
accepts "fer" as both a preposition AND a suffix, a world where people of
all nationalities can use double negatives and call each other "niggaz",
all in the spirit of brotherly love. Please help me in the effort to give
this issue the attention it deserves.
I hope you're picking up on the sarcasm here, Suzanne, because I'm laying
it on pretty thick. Hillbillies talk like lazy-asses too, but you don't
see school administrators in the Deep South implementing "Alabamics" into
the curriculum, for God's sake. Every time I hear the word ebonics, it
make me shudder from the sheer absurdity of it (I refuse to even
capitalize the "e", as it is NOT a proper noun). Yet another typical
lazy-American way of handling things: If people aren't achieving success,
lower the expectations! As the number of obese Americans began to rise
exponentially, the government changed their idea of what was considered
obese. They just gave us all an extra 10 pounds leeway or so. When
highways become overcrowded, the government adds extra lanes to the roads,
but that doesn't help, because no one has yet taught the idiots not to
drive like idiots. They just say "Widen the roads to make more room for
the idiots!!" and they issue a driver's license to anyone with a pulse.
It disgusts me the way laziness and mediocrity is catered to in this
country by people like Suzanne Kail.

K. Holzer

05.24.02

K,
I just want to let you know that I love your site and hope you
continue to keep up the good work. You are a riot!! You remind me more
than just a little of myself. I have finally finished reading all of your
stories and the majority of them are the truth. I mean the bible thumpers,
ebonics, banning cell phones, hell all of them! lol You continue writing
and I'll continue reading!!!

Shelly in Alabama