Mother's Adoption
By: KK
Copyright @2001

I love researching people. I have spent years working on genealogy and finding families. Dead or alive. I would love to be a private detective. In fact I've surprised quite a few professionals with my abilities.

My mother was adopted. I spent six years looking for her birth family and found a brother and two sisters. Her parents had passed and had never told the family that there was another child. Mom had no desire to reunite with her family, but did not have a problem with me finding them either. Not that her opinion mattered, I would have looked for them anyway. I had a right to know, because I was and am still under the impression that my father was adopted also. We will get to that story.

It is too boring to explain background checks, adoption records, birth records, etc. So I will get right to the good stuff.

I knew that my mom had been born in California and she always knew that she was adopted. Her older sister had been adopted too. My grandmother was a registered nurse and had suffered eleven miscarriages (I believe that is the correct number). Grandma always stated that the adoptions were arranged through an attorney. That story never panned out and in fact it is believed that in that era (the 40's) and working in a major hospital it was not all that hard for Grandma to decide to "help" a couple in need. In Grandma's old age she has let it slip that she had seen my mother when she was born. Translation: she was the nurse for the couple giving birth. She even described my mother and her parents. Somehow, later on, Grandma forgot this information. I did not.

I did not know my aunt Sharon and never had a desire to look into her adoption. Someday, I'll get bored and get on that.

I spent countless hours sending away for paperwork, making phone calls, etc. I finally sent away for my mother's original adoption papers and birth certificate. Someone "accidentally" forgot to black out the surname of the birth parents. I now had a name to work with and began to look for other siblings. California has an online birth check and up popped three kids, around the same dates, with the same surname. The hard part was finding them. I knew they were no longer in California, but had a piece of information that they were either in Oklahoma or Arkansas. I knew the brother would be easier to find, because even if he married his last name would not change.

I sent a letter to every person in Oklahoma and Arkansas with that surname. I did not mention "adoption". I only stated that I was doing family history and gave them enough information to let them know that I thought that I had the right people. Within a couple of days I received an E-Mail from the brother. He stated that I was talking about his family, how did I get this information and what did I want? All legitimate questions, which all had to be answered honestly.

I decided to call him personally instead of E-Mailing. There was too much to say. I was a nervous wreck, but my intuition told me to pick up the phone and dial....NOW. He answered and I told him my name, which of course he did not recognize. I laid out quite a few details about his family that no one would possible have known without the research that I had done. I had to lay the ground work for what I was about to tell him. He verified everything and I thank goodness the man was in a wheel chair when I laid the news on him.

I simply stated that he had a sister that was put up for adoption in 1949. I thought the man had cardiac arrest. For about two hours we talked and verified more information. He was cautious, but ecstatic. He said that his parents had never mentioned it and that he had two sisters that lived in the same state and that I should call them. I promised to send photos to verify, but he seemed to have all the verification that he needed. He said that the siblings do not communicate much and fight quite a bit. I knew right then that we were definitely related.

According to the brother, the sisters did not talk to each other. They were always fighting about something, but that it was my responsibility to call them. I really did not have a problem with that, until the first sister answered the phone. I literally almost hyperventilated. My mother has a very distinct voice and this sister had THAT voice with a country twang. After I pulled my head out from between my legs and started to breathe again, I began to tell her the story. Shock is an understatement. She definitely wanted photos. No problem. Oh, and by the way I had to call the other sister too. Never did I think that three women on the same planet would have the same voices, personalities and attitudes.

My mother and I were not speaking at the time (we still aren't), but I was woman enough to call her and tell her that I had just spoken to her three siblings. Because she has the inability to overcome her anger (which had nothing to do with finding her siblings) in any situation, she sat and listened. I could hear the crickets chirping in the background. I asked her if she wanted to contact them. She said she wasn't ready. I respected that and had already prepared her siblings for this attitude. They were not surprised. Apparently this "attitude" problem is an inherited trait.

I sent several photos of my mother and that was all the verification the siblings needed. The sisters said they almost fainted at the mailbox. The resemblances were unmistakable and could not be denied.

My mother now has contact with one sister and her brother and are looking forward to meeting one day. I am happy for all of them. I really feel that my mother needed this connection in her life and hope that it gives her piece of mind about where she came from.