Once Upon A Marriage
by: KK
Copyright @2001

(Some names have been changed to protect the innocent. Other names can be found on their original birth certificates.)

Based on a true story...like everything else on this site.

Once upon a time there lived a dysfunctional couple. Dapper Stud, fondly known as DS and Cleo, the lovely Queen of Denial. DS spotted the fair skinned, Jewish American Princess on a tropical island. After testing each others equipment beneath the sheets, on the beach, on the hood of a car and wrapped around a palm tree, they romped happily down the aisle together.

It wasn't long before DS revealed that he had an ex-wife named Satan and that they had a Spawn together. Cleo, being the faithful and naive spirit that she was, stood by her man. Cleo fought raging wars with Satan over Spawn's support, where Spawn should live and exactly which corner of hell Satan came from. Cleo was even supportive enough to let Spawn live with them for a short time and tried to help change her evil ways. Cleo's patience grew thin and Satan and Spawn were quickly reunited and are happily living in the southern region of hell.

Because of DS's desire to be the next Howard Hughes, he spent the marriage traveling around the world seeking work. From afar, DS showered Cleo with love, affection, flowers, gifts and the nightly phone sex. When DS happened to be flying over America he parachuted down and graced Cleo with his presence. The two times he did this, Cleo was quickly impregnated and squirted out two kids.

DS was a high maintenance man and was born with a silver spoon up his butt. Cleo being the good Jewish girl catered to his every need. When DS was home he pretended to be Hugh Hefner and lounged around in silk pajamas, drinking tea and pretending to work. Meanwhile Cleo cooked his meals, ran his baths and errands and on occasion tied his shoes. After an exhausting day of being the maid, the butler and the candlestick maker, Cleo was still quite the nymphet. The only hobby that DS and Cleo shared was their insatiable need for sex. Cleo was a nun in a former life and was determined to be a private porno queen in this life. She was highly successful.

Life was perfect. Or so it seemed. Many centuries into this marriage Cleo discovered DS's birth certificate and was astonished to find out that his real name was Dick Swinger, not Dapper Stud. Shortly after this discovery, DS announced to Cleo that he was living a double life and no longer needed her services. DS arrogantly told Cleo that he had found another princess and had been boning her for four years. Cleo was devastated to find out that DS was a deviant cheater. Friends quickly peeled Cleo off the floor and with their help Cleo hunted Home Wrecker down. HW being the pinheaded blonde that she was, called Cleo to brazenly stake her claim on DS. HW (a.k.a. Half Witted, Happy Whore, Horror Wench...) foolishly believed DS had money shooting out his ass and that it was her turn to swing through trees with him. Cleo, although stunned that HW had the audacity to phone her, calmly stated the facts to HW.

Cleo: He's broke and you can have him.

HW: (click)

Cleo, now starting to show mild signs of retardation, decides to pull her marriage together and live happily ever after. Cleo attaches a homing device to DS for the next two years to make sure that their everlasting love will not be destroyed again. DS has narrowly gained back some of Cleo's trust and has finally realized that he cannot live the Hugh Hefner lifestyle without a job. Cleo is losing patience and allows him to leave the state to forage for money. He wants to be a cowboy and heads for Texas. And then one sunny afternoon,

Cleo's cell phone: Ring, ring, ring...

Cleo: Hello? Hello?

Dip Shit, I mean DS, had mistakenly hit the redial button on his cell phone and didn't realize it. Cleo and one of her closest friends, Intelligent Woman, got to listen to DS screw Senorita Chalupa. Cleo and Intelligent Woman had never had the once in a life time opportunity to listen to DS have sex with an illegal alien. Intelligent Woman quickly removed all sharp objects from the room and they waited patiently for DS to realize that he had aired a live sex telecast to Cleo and Intelligent Woman. After discussing with Senorita Chalupa the next selection of condoms, DS figured out what a jackass he truly was and hung up the phone, without acknowledging that Cleo was on the line.

After Cleo promised to kill DS, Intelligent Woman removed the restraints and Cleo was allowed to make several menacing phone calls promising bodily harm to the Dick Swinger she was married to. DS claimed innocence and that an overdose of Nyquil had caused him to be asleep for the several hours and that poor Cleo had lost her sanity. Intelligent Woman was very proud of Cleo's use of the English language and the new swear words she invented. Intelligent Woman was also very surprised of the ingenuous ideas that Cleo came up with to dismember and take the breath from DS's body.

At this point, DS has finally admitted to fucking one of the Mexican food groups and that a counselor might help his desperate need to keep his dick from wandering around the world. Cleo, although stronger than the first time DS cheated on her, is starting to show deeper signs of retardation. She allowed DS to return home and he was banned to the guest room. After two weeks of crying, counseling, begging, crying, begging and crying, DS dehydrated, returned to the border to finish work. DS promises not to ever, ever, ever, ever do this to poor Cleo again.

DS has shown that his only true talent is that he "has dick and will travel". Cleo has yet to follow through on her bodily threats to DS and her friends and family are recommending that she be institutionalized. Stay tuned....