Periods for Men
by: KK
Copyright @2001

If someone could please explain to me why women are cursed with having a period I would greatly appreciate it. I have had my two children. I'm done. I cannot find any logical reason to continue this torture once a month. My family has already fitted me with a straight jacket for the entire week that I throw things, kick the dog and scream at furniture. My children stay at least 15 feet away from me at all times. They know that Mommy can attack for no reason. There is a picture of a dragon on my refrigerator. She's real cute, apron around her waist, broken vacuum cleaner in her hand, fire coming from her nose and she's greeting her small bald husband at the door. He actually has the nerve to ask, "Is this a PMS day honey?". My kids think I'm that dragon...smart kids. There are drugs for PMS, but they are not potent enough. It's not possible to overdose on Midol. I've tried.

Now let's discuss the supplies. There is some man out there who has become very wealthy off inventing every contraption that goes between a woman's legs. I know it is a man, because a woman would have invented something comfortable and that vibrates. Let's start with tampons. Another word for giant Q-tips. You have your light, medium and heavy. Don't forget that you have to buy each size and you have now spent your kids college tuition to keep yourself from having a transfusion. I would like a man to walk around with his middle finger up his butt all day, 3-5 days a week and give us a full report.

Of course pads were man made too. Obviously a man has never had to walk around with a pillow between his legs all day. There are maxi-pads for women who flood. Mini-pads for women who just need a band-aid. Pads with wings, in case a woman decides to take flight. And last but not least, panty-liners for the last minute, "oops". Men, I invite you to duct tape a washcloth to your underwear and I will expect that report as well.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not male bashing. But if all I had to worry about was the hair on my back, the lack of hair on my head and whether I accidentally peed on the floor, my complaints would be minimized.