Prison Letter 3

Dear Sister,

Obviously we are not clear on a few things. I thought it best to write you a letter rather than react with my temper. You have chosen to take a path in your life that not everyone agrees with. The problem is that you expect everyone to happily follow you down that path and accept your decisions. You seem to be unable to see other's opinions. No one is asking you to accept those opinions, just to acknowledge them and respect them. My family has acknowledged your choices and we respect them by keeping our opinions to ourselves and not starting arguments. We don't have to accept your choices into our family.

Mr. Convict committed two serious crimes. He threatened other's lives with a loaded weapon, with premeditation. We don't dislike Mr. Convict...we barely know him. We don't owe him forgiveness, nor do we owe him any apologies. He owes us nothing either. Mr. Convict committed those crimes, you did not. Whether you knew about them or not is another story. Because of the nature of his crimes he will never be welcome in our home, around our children or any family social events. My husband made this decision and I agreed. We are not concerned with how he's trying to make himself a better person or the great education he thinks he's getting in prison. We have no connection to him and it will remain that way. He has nothing to prove to us.

The fact that Mr. Convict has the balls to say that he forgives us is appalling. Neither one of you has the right to say that you were disappointed that my husband and I did not support you through this. I was the one you called when he was arrested. You stayed in our home while the FBI was looking for you. My husband sat with you while the FBI questioned you. Against my husband's wishes you stayed in our home for a month after that and all we asked was that you please not have contact with him while staying with us. During this time you put our family safety in jeopardy. My husband was irate with the thought the FBI would show up at our house and our children would be a witness to this. We were worried that the FBI was going to search our home. You chose to have contact with him while in our home, forcing us to make you leave. We begged you to please consider the consequences regarding your decision to stay with him. That's when you lost our support.

To this day my husband will always have a "federal convict" for a brother-in-law. You have never taken seriously that fact that this has and will affect his career. You have made it very clear that this is not even an issue with you and that we are making a big deal of nothing. During this incident a District Attorney almost lost his job, because of you and Mr. Convict. During this incident my husband was being questioned by the FBI, Judges, Attorneys and other people in the legal community. We have to live within this community, you don't. I don't care what other people think, but others have and will judge us based on your decision to marry Mr. Convict. Regardless of what you think, it has and will affect my husband's future. We supported you the best that we could, in return you slapped us in the face. You seem to feel that we are blowing things out of proportion. my husband didn't go to school for 7 years to have has career jeopardized by family. I would appreciate it if you would a make a bigger deal of it.

I am aware that you feel that I'm trying to control your life. Be assured that I am not. You made a decision that affected our lives and that is what we don't have control over. You have brought someone into our lives that we cannot and will not associate with. We did not have the choice in deciding if a federal convict would be considered a part of our family. You made that decision by yourself, now you have to live with the consequences. You think that everyone should just accept him with open arms when he gets out. That will not happen here.

During this incident you have made me feel that I am too hard on you and Mr. Convict. I may be short tempered and opinionated but I do see that you are in love with him and I respect your feelings. I don't agree with your decisions and I would not choose those for myself. But you have every right to live your life the way you see fit. In the beginning I told you that I did not want to every discuss Mr. Convict with you. I did this for everyone's benefit. I knew that I would not be able to keep my opinions to myself. I knew that the mention of his name would cause fights and hurt feelings. I have kept my mouth shut for a year and a half now and I deserve some credit for that.

I have tried to salvage whatever relationship you and I could have while he was away. I went against what my husband and I had originally decided on, which was to have nothing to do with you as long as you were with him. You have been a part of our family since he left the state. We felt it was more important for you to have a relationship with the kids than to have hard feelings against you for your choices. The damage you have done cannot be reversed and leaving you out of the family would not solve anything. It doesn't matter if Mr.Convict was in town, out of town, in prison or out of prison. Whether we like it or not he will always be associated with our family but he will never be included. You are well aware that when he gets out, the relationship you have with my husband, the kids and I will drastically change. You will be allowed to see the kids and come over as you please. He will not. You will not be allowed to take the kids on your own. We realize that this puts you in a position to make difficult choices. We also realize that your choices will more likely be towards Mr. Convict. We are not asking you to choose between the two...but there's no avoiding the fact that choosing is exactly what it is. That is your life and there will never be hard feelings for the decisions you make.

Through all of this everyone seems to have been focused on Mr. Convict as being the issue, myself included. The issue is not Mr. Convict. The simple fact is that Mr. Convictcommitted crimes, you chose to marry him, you never took your family's future, safety or opinions into consideration, I have been criticized for not supporting you, my husband's job has been jeopardized, my family's safety has been put on the line and you and Mr. Convict want to forgive me. If anyone should be asking for forgiveness or offering an apology, it should be you. Not once have you ever apologized for the stress you put on our family. Not once have you thanked us for opening our home to you and trying to give you the support that we could, legally and personally. I know it seems that I'm only focused on how this incident affected this family. But truth be known, we are the ones most affected by it. Mom has nothing to lose, (a close friend...not named here) has nothing to lose, (a close friend...not named here) has nothing to lose and you have not realized what you have lost or could still lose. I protect my family, period. This isn't the first time or the last time that I will protect my family from my own family.

People wonder why I get so upset about this whole issue. What it comes down to is that you are my sister and I love you. If I didn't love you then this wouldn't even phase me. I do not like the road you have taken, but I will always love you and I will always be here for you to the best of my ability. You will always be welcome in our home. I hold no grudges against you and I have finally come to terms with the fact that the damage has been done and my getting angry over the issue is not going to fix anything. I don't want to lose my relationship with you, nor does the rest of my family. My husband thinks of you as his sister and it kills him to see the road you have taken, it is disappointing to him that this has affected his career and his family.

We both love you and want you to always be apart of our lives. I have made it clear to you what our relationship will be and what your relationship with the kids will be. I realize that you have your own opinions and I have tried to recognize those and take them into consideration. I'm not so stubborn as to not see your side, but my husband and I stand together when decisions are made regarding the safety and well being of our children. I am putting this issue behind me.

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