Tinker Bell Is Gone
By: KK

Copyright @2001

Tinker Bell was a friend of mine for over 21 years. Tinker Bell used to be my sister's best friend, during her school years and then Tinker Bell and I became very close. In fact, Tinker Bell's Grandma is "our Grandma" and her mother is "our second Mother". Recently Tinker Bell and I had a huge, over rated, overly blown up fight, over a small stupid issue. My birthday party.

Throughout the years it has been a tradition that the small group of friends that we have would get together for each birthday and have our little pow -wow's. Each year I do the planning for every party. That's absolutely fine with me and everyone else. I am a natural organizer and everyone expects that K. will take over and plan everything. I do not complain until no one decides to plan for my parties. Selfish?? Absolutely. The non-planning of a party for me has happened twice. But twice is too much, considering how much effort my husband and I put into others parties. Yes, Tinker Bell and her husband have done a lot for us too.

The scenario is simple. It started with a phone call from another friend RAB She called a week before my birthday and asked what I wanted to do to celebrate? I told her that I had not even thought about it because I was pre-occupied with another friend leaving town for good, a surgery that I had to have and the prospect of home schooling my children again. RAB called Tinker Bell and tried to arrange something. Tinker Bell said that she would get back to her. Two days later I receive another call from RAB asking if it was alright if her and I just did something on our own, because Tinker Bell had not returned her call. RAB also stated that Tinker Bell decided that certain people would not be invited because they were "not good enough friends". I was pissed.

I called Tinker Bell at work and sarcastically (my normal tone of voice) said, "Hey you, I have a little beef with you."

Tinker Bell is normally a reserved, calm and compliant person. She proceeded to jump down my throat and shred me from the inside out. The battle had begun. She then screams at me, with a mocking childish voice, that she 'has not had time to even think about my birthday and how selfish can I possibly be?' She points out that I still have a week left and what's the fucking rush? (Tinker Bell is the same person who informs me in September that she had already picked out the date in November of when I should be throwing her baby shower.) The phone call ended with her trying to put me on hold and me telling her to "fuck off". I hung up on her and spent the next three days, pissed off and upset that she never called me back to try and remedy the situation. Yes, I could have called her back, but I'm stubborn and I felt that I had originally called to ask her a question and she proceeded to tear me apart.

Finally I e-mailed her....READ. Her wicked response....READ. My response....READ.
This was her way of trying to make up with me...READ.

I agreed to meet her for dinner. Of course, it was at her house and at her convenience. Since she doesn't have children yet, Tinker Bell has never taken anyone else's schedules into consideration. But, I met her on her territory, under the assumption that we were going to discuss this and work things out. I knew that our friendship would never be the same. She had said a lot of things that could not be taken back. But I was also willing to try and salvage something from this mess.

I spent two hours at her house and not once was the subject brought up. I felt that since she had invited me, to her house, to discuss this, she should have brought it up. (She claims to others that she tried to bring it up several times and felt that I just didn't want to talk about it. I'm not sure what planet Tinker Bell is from...but she NEVER brought it up.) We talked about everything from her pregnancy to her cat. I tried to be the person she thought I should be. I didn't talk about myself, I wasn't selfish or negative and I tried not to have any mental break downs...I was Tinker Bell's perfect friend. Within two hours, from lack of conversation, she was falling asleep at the table. It proved to me that she is not capable of holding a conversation on her own. But if I do it, then I am deemed selfish and I talk too much.

I felt that my initial letter to her argued the issues at hand and how I was feeling. I felt that she responded by attacking my character and personality and that she had had these feelings for years. Her excuse that she didn't want to confront me personally, because I would get "angry and defensive" was weak. A true friend would tell you anything, regardless of the response.

Her attacking my marriage was unacceptable and unforgiveable. My husband and I have been through a tremendous amount together and she was always a support system for me. She then turned around and threw it all back in my face. Treating my friends the way she did, was rude and selfish on her part. Not once did she ever apologize to them. RAB and Lil Jap are MY friends, who became friends with Tinker Bell through me. We all only get together for girl parties. Telling me that I have "serious problems" that I had better get help for was hysterical. Considering the problems that everyone of my friends deal with on a daily basis, I don't consider myself to be the "unstable" one.

Tinker Bell basically lives in her own little protective bubble. She has always been spoiled with attention from her family, husband and friends. Everything in her life is fairy tale perfect and she will not have it any other way. She is not realistic and has never had to deal with any daily drama in her own life. Her feet don't touch the ground, she floats. She is the first one to ask what the current gossip is, but when I tell her I am then being negative and self-centered. After that dinner she called a couple of times and I returned a couple of calls. I never received an apology from her or an explanation. Since she got the feeling that I "didn't want to discuss the details" then that meant that I had gotten over it and we would move on from there. (Something Tinker Bell must have written on the wall of her bubble).

She called me one morning and I was on my way out the door. I told her I would call her back. When I got back I had this e-mail waiting for me....READ.

Notice how Tinker Bell will never confront me in person or on the phone. I responded...READ. That was written on October 18, 2001. I still have not had a response.

But I have heard through the grapevine that Tinker Bell basically feels like 'what's the point of working this out'. From what she has told others, they also get the very clear feeling that Tinker Bell is "missing the point". Tinker Bell has said that she was completely surprised by my first letter and doesn't understand why I wrote that. Then in her response to me, states that she knew if she didn't respond, it would piss me off and I would respond to her. "My plan worked" as she stated.

Tinker Bell doesn't deal well with conflict. She obviously has a hard time acknowledging that she may have said or done things that are due an apology or an explanation. I have answered every one of her calls and e-mails and she picks and chooses what she wants to respond to.

The sad part about this whole story, is that she has decided that having a relationship with my children (which she is the Godmother to one and an "Aunt" to both) and my having a relationship with her new baby is not important enough to mend this battle. I have stated over and over that my intentions are not to end this friendship. But I will not just let things stand as they are. A person cannot negatively jump another's character and still think that they have a solid friendship.

It's not the first time I have lost family and friends. I am quite certain it will not be the last.